To start off I’d like to say I am almost done with the internship with only two months left. I don’t even recognize myself looking back to a year ago when I had my first conversation about starting this. My wife and I had recently been through some world-turning events and God had begun calling me to something I didn’t yet understand. We trusted what God was doing and prayerfully followed His lead even though we were slightly, maybe extremely, terrified. The rest is kind of obvious, but here I am writing this.
I came into the internship starving, not knowing how to deal with that. I wanted so badly to learn and grow, but I didn’t even know what that meant since I’ve been a Christian for a long time. There are over 20 interns this year and I had no idea how to find my place. To be honest, I felt pretty disconnected and overwhelmed for a bit. I remember when October came around and we were about to go on our weekend retreat, I was praying the night before. I felt I had received a lot of information, but I hadn’t been met by God. I was missing a connection that I was starting to think I wouldn’t make. Most of the retreat had gone by and I had sort of retreated into my mind to sort out what we’d gone over. When night came, we had a bonfire and gathered around. I was “asked” by a few people to volunteer for an activity. I’m always down for that kind of stuff, so of course I did. Next, God came down and wrecked my entire universe in beautiful and piercing ways. He invited me to step into intimate relationship and to stand in Godly masculinity. I cried. I broke down. I felt known by my Creator like never before. I’ll remember that weekend forever.
But life goes on. And, needless to say, I am definitely still processing a lot of that night. I entered the Christmas season with a lot of anxiety: issues with my part-time job, the stress of the holidays, and battling a seasonal depression I fight every Christmas. I wasn’t alone though. I have a family. A family that relates with me and knows the difficulty of the holidays, but is open about it. We talked about our hardships and worries. We went through them together. I’ve gained a family in Christ and that is something that doesn’t go away.
The internship has challenged me every day. It has bolstered my faith and given me what I need to go into my relationships, my city, and my world with a confidence in Christ. I wouldn’t change a thing!